Saturday, October 24, 2009

Scotch... who would have thought id end up drinking close to a bottle a night? Its heavy shit too. I never use to drink, just smoked pot on a everyday basis, still do. About 2-3 months ago I ran into a little rut. Im not sure what you want to call it, mood swings, depression, bad month, who the fuck knows, i just been down and out. No reason really, I just get this way every so often, and as usual i deal with it. This years way of "dealing" with it happens to be a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red. And ol' J walker's been there the whole way. I've drank 4 bottles in the past week. I come home, get depressed ( i hate the word depressed, it sounds so whiney, i would like to use the word down instead from here on out) then I go to the store and pick up a bottle. All I can think about when i get upset anymore is taking a shot and feeling the burn. The first shot I take of the night is like a much needed release. Then it leads to more shots, and more. Then I'm to the point im at now. Half bottle downed, and no worries. Its like entering a differnt world for awhile where I can get away from anything and everything that bothers me. I still get down but its not nearly as bad as when I dont drink. When im not drinking I stay in this non stop pissed off mode. Ive gone months being anti social and avoiding life itself hiding in my room, sulking in self pitty. Its bullshit. Im drunk now and I say fuck all that. Id rather be buzzed light year than mr. down and out. I usually dont post on this fucking site cause Im careful bout what i put on it like someones actually reading it. I dont think anyones seen any of my posts. So therefore I say fuck it and im saying whatever comes to me, even if it makes no sense to the rest of you assholes out there reading. Im the only one whos gonna ever look at this shit.
ANYWAYS!
I like this blog truthfully. I go about every waking hour acting as if I have my shit together. Like I have no worries, and have everything under control. Acting... Acting... Behind all the smiles and chipper fake ass attitude I'm lost. I think thats why everything hits me at night. During the day I even convince myself I got it all together, and then when I get home and drop the act reality sets in. And reality is a bitch. The blog is my way of venting. I have not one sole in this world to complain to or tell about my problems so ive resorted to a fucking internet blog, lol. Oh well, guess im not the only one eh?

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