So here I am, 6:00, few shots down, and feeling fine. Scotch, gotta love it. I think ive said it before but I never use to drink. Really, I've always been more anti drinking. I wouldnt go out with my friends and have a few beers, I wouldnt even come home and have a drink to relax. Now I do. The scotch whiskey has been the only thing thats turned me onto drinking. Ive noticed scotch gives you a differnt buzz than beer or really any other alcohol. Its calm. Its here and its now if that makes any sense. The thing I like most about it is that I actually talk to people when I drink scotch. Weather it be a phone call, or a instant message, or even on the street, i talk. Now I know this is an obvious when it comes to drinking, but im not talking about bullshit slur phone calls. Im talking about just an average "how are you". This is hard for me most the time. Im very anti social and usually dont talk to anyone other than my roomate and the few people i work with. So being able to feel comfortable saying hello to an old friend is new to me. For instance, facebook. I hated it. Why? Because you add all these differnt people considered to be friends yet you see them in public and shy away from eachother like strangers. Then about a week ago I had been drinking and decided to say hello to an old girl/friend of mine I had not talked to in years. Now usually sober I would never send a message. Some part of my sober mind would talk me out of it, critizing me for even wanting to say hello. Instead this time I did say hello. And this time I didnt worry about what they might think of me, or what I wanted to tell them. I just said what I wanted to say. What I've been meaning to say for years... Then the next day when I figured Id be regretting what I said, I didnt. Not at all. And come to find out the person I talked to was as happy as I was to reconnect again and fill eachother in on our lives. I couldnt fucking believe it. The normal sober me couldnt believe the night before I actually did it and said hello. Years overdue by the way...

The only problem is that Im starting to really like drinking. And knowing myself as well as I do, its just time before it becomes such a habbit I wont feel myself without it, like other habbits I already have. This is about the time I ask myself if I really want to go down the road Im heading. This is the fifth bottle in a week collected on my desk now, and im starting to wonder why it takes me a bottle of whiskey to be myself. Myself as in NO ANXIETY, no worrying about what everyone else thinks about what I do or say. Just being myself for once. Why does it take alcohol? I dont know, but if having a few shots means being able to talk to people again, so be it...